4.5 miles yesterday on the treadmill with Katie.
I opened the front door this morning at 4:30 to get the paper and smiled as the warm air hit my face. I am more ready for spring and summer than I think I've ever been. If the rain isn't too bad this afternoon we'll be outside for our run today. Though today is technically a rest day I think a short one is in order to celebrate the weather.
As the weather gets warmer our half marathon gets closer and closer. Thankfully we miscounted the weeks in our training program and we've got an extra week of preparation we didn't think we had. If life continues on its crazy path we'll need every extra day we can find.
We're slated for 6 or 7 miles on Sunday. For now, happy Friday and may spring arrive sooner than later.
Ryan
Friday, February 25, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
Thoughts on Gratitude: Part 2
Update on Krispy Kreme challenge: Finished in 45 minutes 30 something seconds. All 12 doughnuts down. None lost. 6 miles at Shelley Lake in the amazing weather this past weekend. Looking forward to the warm weather this weekend.
My apologies for the delay between posts.
TROSA
If you've lived in the Triangle area even for a short while you've probably heard of TROSA. No doubt a neighbor or friend recommended them as a moving company or as someone to take care of your lawn. I knew that they helped people recover from drugs and alcohol through their program but I knew little else before driving through the front gates and walking into their offices.
We sat in a huge conference room and watched a short film TROSA made a few years back to make its case to the public. The people in the video were honest about where they'd been and incredibly grateful for TROSA helping them to their present place. This was shaping up to be just like many of our other visits: video, spiel from the executive, questions and answers and then lunch. What we received was much different.
After hearing from Kevin McDonald, the president and CEO of TROSA, about the beginnings of the program we then heard from current program participants and graduates. This is where the day continued its track of challenging testimonials and eye-opening experiences.
I won't go into detail about the people we heard from over the course of the day. The details of each story--the drugs, the abuse, the pain, the recovery--were similar from one person to the next while still incredibly personal. What was truly revelatory was the fact that we heard from each person we met as we walked around the grounds and through the buildings. Every room interrupted their work to stand and introduce themselves; introductions which included their drug of choice, their road to recovery and their current role in the two year TROSA program. At the end of our time I think we heard from around 35 people. Suffice it to say that I was mentally and emotionally drained by the time I got back in my car to head to the Williams Square apartments to hear from Housing for New Hope.
It's hard for me to write any more about TROSA. I could never begin to tell the stories I heard with any semblance of the original emotion and strength. The honesty, candor and openness were incredibly refreshing even if the words were hard to hear at times. One member of our group talked about the emotional impact in a question towards the end of lunch. She was the only person to acknowledge the preponderance of quiet tears and wet eyes dabbed with tissues we all though no one would notice. As we prepared to leave I felt as though I was the damaged and broken person, afraid to cry in the presence of my peers, afraid to show any real emotion. As I headed to Williams Square I thought seriously about skipping the rest of the day and heading home. I wasn't worried about what we might see and hear from Housing for New Hope. I was terrified of what else I might see in myself.
Thankfully (or not, depending on your point of view) our visit to the Williams Square apartments ended our day on a for-the-most-part uplifting note. The efficiency apartments serve disabled persons who were previously homeless and now have permanent, supportive housing which allows them to move forward with momentum as they work to improve their circumstances. They pay rent. They have a door, and it locks. They have a home, many for the first time in years. Another story of success in the Bull City as selfless people work to provide services for those who need them most.
While the day was incredibly draining it was also incredibly uplifting. While it was difficult to hear the stories and to meet the people who are often ignored, it was equally as exciting to meet the people who choose to help, who choose to put everything on the line for others. In the weeks and months to come I hope to find where I fit in that puzzle, where I can give back. Running in 5Ks and half marathons don't count. I may not have a lot of money but I have two hands and two feet and a body capable of doing a hard days' work. Now I just have to figure out where to go first.
Ryan
My apologies for the delay between posts.
TROSA
If you've lived in the Triangle area even for a short while you've probably heard of TROSA. No doubt a neighbor or friend recommended them as a moving company or as someone to take care of your lawn. I knew that they helped people recover from drugs and alcohol through their program but I knew little else before driving through the front gates and walking into their offices.
We sat in a huge conference room and watched a short film TROSA made a few years back to make its case to the public. The people in the video were honest about where they'd been and incredibly grateful for TROSA helping them to their present place. This was shaping up to be just like many of our other visits: video, spiel from the executive, questions and answers and then lunch. What we received was much different.
After hearing from Kevin McDonald, the president and CEO of TROSA, about the beginnings of the program we then heard from current program participants and graduates. This is where the day continued its track of challenging testimonials and eye-opening experiences.
I won't go into detail about the people we heard from over the course of the day. The details of each story--the drugs, the abuse, the pain, the recovery--were similar from one person to the next while still incredibly personal. What was truly revelatory was the fact that we heard from each person we met as we walked around the grounds and through the buildings. Every room interrupted their work to stand and introduce themselves; introductions which included their drug of choice, their road to recovery and their current role in the two year TROSA program. At the end of our time I think we heard from around 35 people. Suffice it to say that I was mentally and emotionally drained by the time I got back in my car to head to the Williams Square apartments to hear from Housing for New Hope.
It's hard for me to write any more about TROSA. I could never begin to tell the stories I heard with any semblance of the original emotion and strength. The honesty, candor and openness were incredibly refreshing even if the words were hard to hear at times. One member of our group talked about the emotional impact in a question towards the end of lunch. She was the only person to acknowledge the preponderance of quiet tears and wet eyes dabbed with tissues we all though no one would notice. As we prepared to leave I felt as though I was the damaged and broken person, afraid to cry in the presence of my peers, afraid to show any real emotion. As I headed to Williams Square I thought seriously about skipping the rest of the day and heading home. I wasn't worried about what we might see and hear from Housing for New Hope. I was terrified of what else I might see in myself.
Thankfully (or not, depending on your point of view) our visit to the Williams Square apartments ended our day on a for-the-most-part uplifting note. The efficiency apartments serve disabled persons who were previously homeless and now have permanent, supportive housing which allows them to move forward with momentum as they work to improve their circumstances. They pay rent. They have a door, and it locks. They have a home, many for the first time in years. Another story of success in the Bull City as selfless people work to provide services for those who need them most.
While the day was incredibly draining it was also incredibly uplifting. While it was difficult to hear the stories and to meet the people who are often ignored, it was equally as exciting to meet the people who choose to help, who choose to put everything on the line for others. In the weeks and months to come I hope to find where I fit in that puzzle, where I can give back. Running in 5Ks and half marathons don't count. I may not have a lot of money but I have two hands and two feet and a body capable of doing a hard days' work. Now I just have to figure out where to go first.
Ryan
Friday, February 4, 2011
Thoughts on Gratitude: Part 1
Still running. Krispy Kreme challenge tomorrow morning. Thoughts are elsewhere today...
Discovering Durham
Back in October I started a leadership class with the Durham Chamber of Commerce and we've met once a month since then to learn about different facets of the city. We've taken bus tours and been all over the city to hear from people doing amazing work to promote, build and sustain our community. The days are long and I'm usually mentally exhausted by the end of each session though I'm always thankful for the exposure and the learning. I've learned more about Durham over 5 days than I would have in a lifetime.
Human Need
Yesterday's events, however, left me more emotionally and mentally drained than I've been in a long while. Each Leadership Durham day revolves around a central focus or theme and February's was Human Need. On paper the days events seemed similar to every other agenda we'd been given: Start at one place, head to another, end at yet another and each one highlights a piece of the process or puzzle we're looking at that day. In person and in motion, my day unpacking human need in Durham was one of the most difficult experiences I've had in quite some time.
From the beginning of the program we'd known February's session would start at Urban Ministries where we would either serve or eat with the people coming in for breakfast. We were told to observe a more casual dress code so as to better blend in with our fellow diners. On paper this seemed easy enough and, though I was admittedly a bit nervous, I trusted that the experience would be worthwhile. Well, I know now that there's a huge gap between worthwhile and majorly impactful. I wish I could say that I had an impact on the gentlemen sitting with me at table but they had a much greater effect on me than they even know.
Let's start with what we had for breakfast: 1 bowl grits or oatmeal, 3 pieces sausage, 1 slice wheat bread, 1 hard boiled egg, 1 or 2 (depending on size) pastry, coffee or water. I say we because that's what everyone coming through the line received. I have to admit I had a different idea of what we would be eating. I had in mind a hearty breakfast of eggs, toast, biscuits, bacon, sausage, juice, fruit and coffee. I thought we would have a choice. This was the first of a few gut checks throughout the day.
Then Tommy and Mike sat down. I should say that we were brought in early and were asked to sit around the room so that we could interact with... Well what do you call them? The homeless? The needy? Guests? Diners? I want to say "the others" but that makes me feel disconnected and aloof which is hardly what I felt eating with this group of people. Tommy and Mike didn't say much and Keith, my fellow Leadership Durham participant and I had trouble thinking of how to start the conversation. I introduced myself and they returned the courtesy. Keith explained that we were with a group visiting the shelter. This was the exchange:
Keith: "We're here with a group from the chamber of commerce."
Tommy: "I come here to eat."
Tommy wore a shirt with the words "Silence is Golden, Duct Tape is Silver." After this exchange I didn't feel like bothering the guy anymore. I felt woefully out of place and horribly fake. I wanted to ask Tommy about his tattoos, to ask Mike what he would be doing for the rest of the day but words wouldn't come and we sat in awkward silence until one of the staff members came and told us we were moving on to the next part of our day as my feeling of relief succumbed to a greater feeling of shame and embarrassment. We may have shared a table but we did not share a meal.
From there we moved to the food pantry. While I tried to gather my thoughts from the breakfast table we heard about the other work Urban Ministries does to feed and clothe those in need. As I looked around the shelves all I could think was "This is it?" But this was enough according to the staff. "There are days," he said, "when we have far less and days when we have much more." I swallowed hard imagining the days with less. Then we shifted to the clothing closet where those in need can come and "shop" while their food is packaged up. The room smelled like most thrift stores and Goodwill shops: thousands of clean, used clothes that fill the room with what I can only describe as the collective essence of past memories. Bordering on musty yet smelling of a thousand homes instantly recognizable and comforting yet unsettling and overwhelming.
A look at the shelter came next. The men in our group went with Virgil, a resident, and Peter a staff member, through the men's wing of the shelter. The TV was on in the day room and red tape on the walls marked areas of floor space for those who would manage to receive a number that night. Mats were stacked in the corner, out of the way for the day. We saw the six showers which 80 men will use tonight. We saw the bunk rooms and the beds were much narrower than I expected. Plastic-covered mats like those in the day room were here as well. These were a point of pride as a large corporation with a local officepaid for them and they should last a good long while. The bed frames, we heard, came from the jail after they renovated. The men were mainly outside smoking but a few sat on their beds, enjoying the warmth and a chance to sit. One gentleman was sitting on his bed with a laptop and a Blackberry. Somehow the strangeness of that escaped me until someone in the group asked if I'd seen it. I'm not sure why I didn't see the incongruity. I'd like to think for a moment I saw him with complete compassion but in all honesty I think I just missed it.
When we left Urban Ministries I felt a bit better, not because I'd done anything but because I saw that things were being done. Virgil is a week away from receiving permanent housing through Housing for New Hope and he's been promoted at his job. He's doing really well and he's done it with support from Urban Ministries and a ton of volunteers who bothered to care and show up. I pulled out of the parking lot with a new perspective on the things I worry about and how they shape my day. Next time I find myself starting to gripe I'm going to ask myself: Is this really worth the energy?
Next up: Part 2: TROSA
Ryan
Discovering Durham
Back in October I started a leadership class with the Durham Chamber of Commerce and we've met once a month since then to learn about different facets of the city. We've taken bus tours and been all over the city to hear from people doing amazing work to promote, build and sustain our community. The days are long and I'm usually mentally exhausted by the end of each session though I'm always thankful for the exposure and the learning. I've learned more about Durham over 5 days than I would have in a lifetime.
Human Need
Yesterday's events, however, left me more emotionally and mentally drained than I've been in a long while. Each Leadership Durham day revolves around a central focus or theme and February's was Human Need. On paper the days events seemed similar to every other agenda we'd been given: Start at one place, head to another, end at yet another and each one highlights a piece of the process or puzzle we're looking at that day. In person and in motion, my day unpacking human need in Durham was one of the most difficult experiences I've had in quite some time.
From the beginning of the program we'd known February's session would start at Urban Ministries where we would either serve or eat with the people coming in for breakfast. We were told to observe a more casual dress code so as to better blend in with our fellow diners. On paper this seemed easy enough and, though I was admittedly a bit nervous, I trusted that the experience would be worthwhile. Well, I know now that there's a huge gap between worthwhile and majorly impactful. I wish I could say that I had an impact on the gentlemen sitting with me at table but they had a much greater effect on me than they even know.
Let's start with what we had for breakfast: 1 bowl grits or oatmeal, 3 pieces sausage, 1 slice wheat bread, 1 hard boiled egg, 1 or 2 (depending on size) pastry, coffee or water. I say we because that's what everyone coming through the line received. I have to admit I had a different idea of what we would be eating. I had in mind a hearty breakfast of eggs, toast, biscuits, bacon, sausage, juice, fruit and coffee. I thought we would have a choice. This was the first of a few gut checks throughout the day.
Then Tommy and Mike sat down. I should say that we were brought in early and were asked to sit around the room so that we could interact with... Well what do you call them? The homeless? The needy? Guests? Diners? I want to say "the others" but that makes me feel disconnected and aloof which is hardly what I felt eating with this group of people. Tommy and Mike didn't say much and Keith, my fellow Leadership Durham participant and I had trouble thinking of how to start the conversation. I introduced myself and they returned the courtesy. Keith explained that we were with a group visiting the shelter. This was the exchange:
Keith: "We're here with a group from the chamber of commerce."
Tommy: "I come here to eat."
Tommy wore a shirt with the words "Silence is Golden, Duct Tape is Silver." After this exchange I didn't feel like bothering the guy anymore. I felt woefully out of place and horribly fake. I wanted to ask Tommy about his tattoos, to ask Mike what he would be doing for the rest of the day but words wouldn't come and we sat in awkward silence until one of the staff members came and told us we were moving on to the next part of our day as my feeling of relief succumbed to a greater feeling of shame and embarrassment. We may have shared a table but we did not share a meal.
From there we moved to the food pantry. While I tried to gather my thoughts from the breakfast table we heard about the other work Urban Ministries does to feed and clothe those in need. As I looked around the shelves all I could think was "This is it?" But this was enough according to the staff. "There are days," he said, "when we have far less and days when we have much more." I swallowed hard imagining the days with less. Then we shifted to the clothing closet where those in need can come and "shop" while their food is packaged up. The room smelled like most thrift stores and Goodwill shops: thousands of clean, used clothes that fill the room with what I can only describe as the collective essence of past memories. Bordering on musty yet smelling of a thousand homes instantly recognizable and comforting yet unsettling and overwhelming.
A look at the shelter came next. The men in our group went with Virgil, a resident, and Peter a staff member, through the men's wing of the shelter. The TV was on in the day room and red tape on the walls marked areas of floor space for those who would manage to receive a number that night. Mats were stacked in the corner, out of the way for the day. We saw the six showers which 80 men will use tonight. We saw the bunk rooms and the beds were much narrower than I expected. Plastic-covered mats like those in the day room were here as well. These were a point of pride as a large corporation with a local officepaid for them and they should last a good long while. The bed frames, we heard, came from the jail after they renovated. The men were mainly outside smoking but a few sat on their beds, enjoying the warmth and a chance to sit. One gentleman was sitting on his bed with a laptop and a Blackberry. Somehow the strangeness of that escaped me until someone in the group asked if I'd seen it. I'm not sure why I didn't see the incongruity. I'd like to think for a moment I saw him with complete compassion but in all honesty I think I just missed it.
When we left Urban Ministries I felt a bit better, not because I'd done anything but because I saw that things were being done. Virgil is a week away from receiving permanent housing through Housing for New Hope and he's been promoted at his job. He's doing really well and he's done it with support from Urban Ministries and a ton of volunteers who bothered to care and show up. I pulled out of the parking lot with a new perspective on the things I worry about and how they shape my day. Next time I find myself starting to gripe I'm going to ask myself: Is this really worth the energy?
Next up: Part 2: TROSA
Ryan
Creativity
A week ago:
Strength for 1 hour. 3.5 miles at the Y in the evening.Continuing to struggle with the cold
When I'm not working or running I enjoy reading and lately books--which I prefer--have taken a back seat to blogs and magazines. Shorter pieces are easy to fit in while I eat my lunch or during the moments of quiet before and after dinner. My blog roll stays fairly consistent with changes now and then. Sometimes I lose interest or the sheer volume of stuff gets to be too much and it's time to unsubsribe.
Two of the most worthwhile blogs I've found in the last year or so since come from Donald Miller and Blaine Hogan. I read Miller's "Blue Like Jazz" in college and loved every word. It's one of those books I hope to come back to some day. "Through Painted Deserts" renewed my desire to take a long road trip and someday I'll make it happen. Miller's blog reads more like a diary than a series of themes or articles. He draws a clear distinction between his books and his blog and has toyed with the idea of scrapping the online writings completely. His pieces are short and personal yet I find a great deal of insight in them. As someone who would like to step over into the world of full-time writing at some point down the line it's inspiring to hear from someone on the front lines and to see that it is, at some level, possible.
How I came to Blaine Hogan's blog is a mystery. I can't recall where I first saw his name or how I made it to his website and subscribed but a year later I'm still enjoying each post. Blaine's posts tend to be on the longer side and he spends most of his energy writing about the creative process and especially how creativity and art contribute to Christianity. At the moment he's working on the idea of the Artist as the new Pastor and how compelling art--stories, images, words--is more effective at drawing people to the Truth than our current methods. I'm looking forward to seeing how he gives life to this idea and where it leads him.
This morning I realized that Donald Miller and Blaine Hogan were both talking about the same thing: creativity and it's place in the world from a Christian vantage point. At some level that's what I'm hoping to create with this blog. I'm not sure running is a creative outlet but it's become a part of my mental, physical and emotional fabric to the point where, without it, I feel out of balance. On the spiritual side I've discovered that running brings me in tune with God in a way I've missed the last few years. Intentional quiet time is at a premium and running provides some sanctuary without having to stand still. Writing provides the creative outlet and, as you can tell, I've neglected that in the past few months. Changes need to be made but talking about them here won't help me make them and in fact may hinder me all the more.
So I'll leave it at that for now. Running's tough and life will always be too busy but the journey's the thing right now. Thanks for hanging in here with me.
Ryan
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